Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
