Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
