the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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