I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
