People in love make me want to vomit
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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