so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
