dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
