Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
