Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
