1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
