so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
