Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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