I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
