i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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