She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
