I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
