Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
