Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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