Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
