He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
