I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
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we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
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they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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