There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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