remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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