So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
