I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
