I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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