drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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