I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
