dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
