sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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