Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
