I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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