Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
