the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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