Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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