bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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