i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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