Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
