you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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