After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
