Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
