I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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