i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
