You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
