Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
