Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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