And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
