I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
