I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm getting married
To pizza
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
