She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
