know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
