she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
