you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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