we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
