Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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