Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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