we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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