oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
