yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
as a side note pls kill me
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