Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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