Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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